Lily’s turning seven!

On February 8th, Lily is going to be seven years old.  In honor of her upcoming birthday and my unwavering desire to obliterate Rett Syndrome, I am launching our second annual fundraising campaign. A generous (and anonymous) donor and I have committed to matching up to a total of $1500 raised on her RettGive.org page between today and the 8th.

I’m so proud of this kid – she literally smiles in the face of adversity. I see it every day when she’s struggling to stand, walk or breathe.  I see how hard she works to do – well – almost anything.  I pray for the day when Rett Syndrome will be just a painful memory.

For those who have already donated… from the bottom of my heart, thank you! Your support and love is palpable.  For those who’ve not gotten around to it yet, or don’t feel that giving $10 or $20 will make a difference, believe me when I say that every dollar counts.

Lily is the bravest, sweetest, smartest, hardest working almost 7 year old that I know. And I know that one day in the near future she, and her Rett sisters and brothers, will be cured.  But without funding, it will remain a pipedream.

Until that day happens, I will continue to fundraise and advocate and fight. For her.

Advertisements

Heartening news on the research front

For those of you who have donated to Rett Syndrome Research Trust and wondered where your dollars are going, read this heartening article about two pioneering scientists who have just joined our mission to obliterate Rett Syndrome – BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
And as a reminder….”Rett is not neurodegenerative and preclinical research has shown that the disorder is dramatically reversible once protein levels are restored. Thus, therapeutics … have the potential to provide profound benefit and potentially cure Rett Syndrome.”
For those who haven’t yet donated, click here to support groundbreaking scientific research so that Lily and her Rett sisters can be rid of this shitty disorder.
Thank you.
Lily crimp

Fiercely determined, and beautiful.

Four years in…

Tomorrow is D-day.  The day four years ago when we got Lily’s Rett diagnosis.  I remember it like that recurring bad dream that you just can’t shake.  The worst dream – actually – you could imagine having about your child.  Unfortunately it was our reality.  It is still our reality.

I naively thought/hoped that by now, there’d be a cure.  No one made me that promise, but it was a piece of hope that I held onto as the science – even four years ago – seemed so promising.

Today, four years in, I’m living in that in-between space.  I can’t have too much hope nor can I have too much despair.  Every few weeks I hear positive news about how much closer we are to a cure.  Every few days I hear about another Rett girl dying.  So I try to walk around with blinders – shutting out the hope and the despair, living in the now.  And some days, this trick actually works.

But enough about me.  How is this impacting Lily?  She will be seven years old in a few weeks.  Cognitively she’s all there.  But her body is at war against her.  And this is taking its toll.  I see it in her eyes – she has SO MUCH she wants to tell me.  She has SO MUCH to say.  And she is SO FRUSTRATED.  I’m grateful for the Tobii and her therapists – because of them we have a window into her thoughts.  But this is a very high-level window.  We know how she feels, how she’d like her hair to look, how much she knows about the weather and the date and the time and the book that she’s reading.  We know that she has a very silly sense of humor.  Trying to have an in-depth two-way conversation with her, however, proves to be elusive.  ‘Lily, WHY are you sad?’  ‘Lily, WHAT exactly hurts right now?’ ‘Lily WHY do you keep talking about monsters?’  These are some of the questions that just can’t be answered.  At least not yet.

Lily desperately wants to be a ballerina. But there are some mornings when she can barely keep her feet under her.  She desperately wants to play with other kids.  But only once – yes ONCE – in almost seven years have I seen neurotypical kids look to actively engage with her.  Once.  It was at my aunt’s birthday party last year and these sweet kids (who were complete strangers about Lily’s age) came over and asked to play ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ with her.  Even though I had to do hand-over-hand and we lost terribly (I still don’t fully understand those rules), she had the best time ever.  I cried.  They were mostly happy tears.

I tell her every day that she can do whatever she sets her mind to.  I tell her every day that she is the bravest, hardest working, smartest, silliest, prettiest almost 7 year old that I know.  That second sentence is truth.  The first sentence I desperately want to be true.  I am basically willing it into existence.

My ask to you is this: if you were thinking of getting Lily a birthday present, the best present you can give right now would be to make a donation to Lily’s fundraising page for the Rett Syndrome Research Trust.  I don’t care if it’s $5 or $5000.  Help me will her cure into existence.  The science is so promising.  And if I take my blinders off for a moment and try to bask in the hope, I’m pretty sure that by the time she’s 10, there will be a cure.

Crimp2018

Lily told her speech therapist yesterday (using the Tobii) that she wanted crimpy hair today.   She was quite pleased with the result!

 

 

 

 

 

 

What a ride

We didn’t make it to Florida this past weekend as Lily was too weak to travel. It wasn’t because of her tummy (which was the big concern last week at this time) but because she was battling a fever.

I got a call from school last Wednesday telling me that Lily had asked to go to the nurse. When the nurse took her temperature it was hovering around 100 degrees. Not too bad but the poor kid was feeling miserable. And she wanted to go home. So I rushed from work to get her.

By the time we got home, she was her normal, bubbly self. But over the course of the next 24+ hours, she would swing from feeling fine to just plain awful. At one point she had the shivers so bad that I had considered taking her to the ER. (Sidenote: high fevers can trigger seizures and as Lily is already prone to them, it was imperative to keep her fever regulated.)

On Friday (the day we were supposed to fly out) I took her to the doctor where we ruled out strep, the flu and UTI. Likely just a viral infection. I was hopeful that we could get to Florida on Saturday but when I checked her temperature that morning, it was not good.

So we’ve been home in NYC on this cold and blustery weekend. Cuddling up a storm, watching movies, and enjoying the visitors who have come to help out and cheer us both up.

This is the first morning in four days that she’s not been feverish. So tomorrow she goes to school. I’m still taking the day off work. I need some time to recuperate!

We are both so sad to have missed seeing our family in Florida. But I’m so grateful that we were only battling a regular kid issue. Kids get sick from time to time. And Lily handled it all with such grace. She’s amazing.

The holidays

Lily was so excited about Christmas Eve that I couldn’t keep her still for a photo. She was literally squealing with joy. I was pretty excited too as we got to spend it with the Darlings, our beloved cousins.

I had forgotten how fast Lily can be. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her move like this. And she’s gotten taller. So it now takes about two steps for her to dart out of a room and down the hall. I got a lot of exercise chasing after her that night.  And I was so grateful.  Watching her run around giggling felt like a Christmas miracle given how she was doing last year at this time.

She was adamant about having her hair up in a bun with a silver hair tie.

Christmas Day she was feeling a little hungover from the previous evenings excitement. So we took it easy. Opened presents. Ate pancakes (courtesy of Stephen). And opened more presents. For lunch we went to Benihana. I think Stephen and I were more excited about it than Lily. We didn’t even realize that there was a Benihana restaurant in Manhattan until we started researching places to eat. Lily enjoyed the flying shrimp and the onion volcano, but not as much as the adults did!

Christmas day: Hibachi fun!

The rest of the day we chilled out at home – playing with our toys, reading our new books, wearing our fabulous new jewelry and feeling very loved.

Wearing her favorite bracelets (courtesy of Auntie Angela) while chatting with Grandma on Christmas Day.

For New Year’s Eve, we will likely have a crazy fun party. In mommy talk this means popping popcorn, watching High School Musical and in bed by 9. A pretty perfect sounding evening for me and my girl.

To everyone who showered my girl with love this holiday season: thank you! Lily felt so very special.  And so did I!

Big hugs,

C & L

Baby Animals

img_9995

Dreaming of having a pet bird

Yesterday morning while having breakfast, Lily told me that she wanted to look at baby animals – birds, cats, guinea pigs and dogs. So I pulled up some YouTube videos and we had fun watching these furry little creatures move around. She was especially fond of the kittens and birds. She eventually told me that she wants a pet kitten and a pet bird. I wasn’t surprised to hear that she wanted a bird. Last week, she fell asleep in school and was giggling in her sleep. When her teacher asked what it was she was giggling about, she said she was dreaming of having a pet bird!!!

 

Some of you may remember that we experimented with a pet cat back when we lived in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Quelle disastre.

This mommy can’t take on any more responsibilities so instead of getting her a pet bird or pet cat, we will be taking her (often) to the pet store to visit her animal friends there.

Giving Thanks

Even though our mornings start with me saying “Lily – breathe”  “Scoot forward angel face”  “Stand up – you can do it!” “Keep your feet under you baby girl”  “Walk forward”  “Lily relax your muscles”  “Lily open your mouth sweetie”  “Swallow your food honey”  “Lily you need to eat something before going to school”, they are also filled with so much love and many giggles.

Her struggles continue.  Some of her symptoms are getting worse.  Some are easing up.  But she still manages to put a smile on her face and bravely move forward with her day.  I do my best to follow suit.

I’m grateful that this girl continues to persevere in the face of so much adversity.  A lesser person would crumble.  I’ve crumbled.  But I dust myself off and remember that Lily needs me.  I do not have the luxury of losing my shit completely.  Though I do lose it momentarily, and preferably when she’s not around.

I am her voice (though she’s getting quite fluent with the Tobii), I am her arms, sometimes her legs, oftentimes her nurse, her doctor and always her advocate.  Oh yes, and I’m her mommy.  So we do our best to have as much fun as possible in between (and sometimes during) all those doctors and hospital appointments.

It’s the season of giving.  And my ask to you is this: if you are considering making a charitable donation in the coming weeks, please consider giving to the Rett Syndrome Research Trust.  We are SO very close to a cure; every dollar raised inches us to our goal.  And all of our Rett sweeties and their families could use a miracle right about now.

With Gratitude,

C & L