The strength of motherhood

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas.

I had a quiet Christmas day while Lily was with her dad.  It’s been a roller coaster of a few weeks – so many highs and way too many lows – so I’ve been looking forward to some much needed down time.

We’ve not yet received Lily’s EEG results but in the meantime, I asked her neurologist to prescribe her some anti-seizure medication while we are awaiting the results.  I couldn’t bear to not try something (and of course I’ve done countless hours of research on the topic so it’s not a knee-jerk reaction).  Lily had become a shell of herself.  And dammit if I’m not going to try every approach I can to help her get back to where she was 3 weeks ago.

Before Lily had her setback, my friend Carlos sent this note my way and it perfectly explains the joy, and pain, of motherhood.  And it’s even more relevant to me now than ever.

The strength of motherhood

Motherhood takes you to heaven and hell every day. It erases your past and amplifies it at the same time. It destroys and rebuilds you, slowly and carefully: replacing the cracked, broken bricks with stronger ones with no anesthesia.

Motherhood kills the old you; it doesn’t care who you think you are, only who you must be in this moment to meet the needs of the ones you invited into this world.

And somehow, by feeding that child, loving that child, wiping that child’s tears from their damp cheeks, pouring water over that child’s head as you sit beside them, uncomfortable and damp next to the bathtub, you become the gentlest of warriors.

Motherhood is a bridge that you walk alone, but as you look to your left and to your right, you see others on their own bridges, navigating the rickety planks of swaying wood. And as you see them struggling just like you are not to fall, it gives you the courage to take one more step.

Motherhood is painfully lonely, but at 3 o’clockin the afternoon whether you’re sitting on the living room floor with a child who doesn’t know your real name or at 3 o’clock in the morning with a child who needs your steady tapping on their pajama-ed back, you’re not alone because all over the world, mothers are doing the same thing. Their minds wander through the garden of their imaginations and memories, dreaming of sleep and rest, but powered by the fiercest of love.

The love that one pours into their child doesn’t come from the heart. Anyone can be in love. Anyone can be infatuated. The type of love one has for their child comes from the center of their bones. It’s the type of love that doesn’t need reciprocation to burn hot. It’s the type of love that never keeps score. It’s the type of love that powers nature in her infinite beauty and ruthlessness.

When a mother says, “I love you,” she doesn’t mean “I love how you make me feel” she means “You are my world, my sun and my moon and not life or death can change that, wherever you are I will find you whether it be across seas or lost within yourself. You are my breath and the light inside my eyes.”

Motherhood, while almost never glamorous, is always beautiful.

Written by:  Bunmi Laditan

Lessons Learned in Life

Motherhood has been the greatest gift I have ever received.  And I’m so grateful for my sweet kid.  She’s going to get through this and come out even stronger.  I just know it.

Wishing you all a peaceful and healthy new year.  See you in 2017!

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Opening Lily’s Christmas presents a few days earlier

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My Christmas Wish

It’s a cure for Rett Syndrome. Seriously, it cannot come soon enough.

I went on Facebook earlier and saw that created a slideshow of my recent photos. It made my heart break to see them as it shows just how much my little girl has been struggling these past few weeks – things we all take for granted like breathing, eating, walking. If you’re considering any end of year giving, Lily, her Rett family and I would be eternally grateful if you gave to reverserett.org. We are also accepting prayers and positive vibes.

love,

C & L

PS we are anxiously awaiting eeg results. PPS if you ever find yourself needing to take your kid in for an extended eeg (which is a frequent occurrence for girls with Rett), I highly recommend you try to get it done in-home. PPSS if you ever have a week like Lily and I had, I also recommend that you get as much support as possible. We were lucky to have the fabulous, multi-talented uncle Carlos in town visiting us from Geneva.